I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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