I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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