there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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