literally had 100 drinks last night.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My vagina is officially offended.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
