Tell her she can't have a vagina
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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