never play flip cup with pint glasses
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
