I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
