And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
