Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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