It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
