I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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