I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
