I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the condom got lost in my hair
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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