I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
