im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
