you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
