Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
