Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This is the high leading the old right now
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
