everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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