I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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