a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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