why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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