Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
