I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
