sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
