Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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