Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
