I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
