Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
