Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it glows. i had to have it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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