Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
