I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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