Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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