covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
