I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
