Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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