He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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