If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
