Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
