wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize