we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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