Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
