I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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