Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
