My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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