i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
