I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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