never play flip cup with pint glasses
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
