Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
