Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
