I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
