i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
