No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There's always time for handjobs
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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