the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
