the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
