Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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