I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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