I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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