I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize