i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
