so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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