i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
