I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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