I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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