He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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