ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
