Do vagina's smell?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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