New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
